Room 101 was the room in George Orwell's book '1984' which contained "the worst thing in the world". The BBC1 have taken this concept and turned it into a TV show in which various celebrities talk about things that they hate. Interestingly the origins of Room 101 was at the BBC anyway. Room 101 was the room of a senior BBC programme editor who often rejected/edited Orwell's work. Orwell took his (literary) revenge by making the editor's room the ultimate evil place.
Where the grumpy old man inside me lives |
Microsoft Word
What a malodorous piece of steaming crap this slice of Microsoft is.
This bloated, piece of crap takes up enough computational resources to model the world's weather for the next billion years, and what do you get for it? Something that will format and display text? Don't make me laugh. What you do get is a profusion of bells and whistles thrown in a careless heap, each bauble lovingly designed to make the straight path crooked, the intuitive arcane, the simple impossible.
Take the "Help" for example. It's not just help, it's a new friend!
I don't want a new friend, I've all too many as it is. What I want is something simple where I can find a technical detail with a minimum of fuss and interruption. I don't want animation. I don't want natural-language interpretation. I don't want to be led by the nose. If I dismiss a window, I want it gone. I don't want it to wave goodbye, or hesitate, or sneeze. I want it gone.
You'd think in 20 or so megabytes of RAM there'd be room for one scenario in which it doesn't actively do anything wrong, but for that you'll have to wait for Word 2053.
And don't try telling me that one need only configure the options to avoid these problems; I'm not a moron. I quickly configured the preferences so as to minimize all this bullshit, at which point Word promptly changed them back. I don't want my grammar constantly corrected by some shitty little subprogram that doesn't know the first thing about grammar.
How did this come about? This is either some type of incompetence, or active malevolence.
My money's on malevolence. This software was obviously created by a company who's motto is "We're Microsoft, and you, the customer, aren't worth a fig to us." Well, Microsoft, your time will come. It may not be Linux that does you in, it may not be this decade, but you're going to go the way of the dodo, and I for one will cavort naked on your grave, pissing on your memory.
... and then it crashes.
Microsoft
Unstable, expensive crap.
FaceBook
Health and Safety
My contempt for Health and Safety Regulations is equalled by my loathing of 'No win, no fee' lawyers. Each is the bastard spawn of the other.
Body Piercing
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, it seems, is Ugly.
Cars
Drivers who park on the pavement.
Drivers who leave no room when overtaking cyclists (I ended up with a broken collar bone when an articulated lorry forced me off the road at the approach to a roundabout).
People who drive too fast.
Drunk drivers.
Driving while using mobile phone.
Environmentalists who drive cars.
The Renault Megane with it's ugly back end and tasteless advertising.
Magic Trees.
Car alarms.
In-car sound systems blasting out base rhythms, particularly at traffic lights. (It's illegal to use load speakers on the public highway without a license. Why has nobody picked up on this.)
Baby on board stickers.
Astrology
Astrology. I find this such a ridiculous concept that it would be an insult to my intelligence to waste time forming a rational case against something that is so obviously a load of drivel. I will content myself with feeling sorry for the poor, shallow morons who believe in it.
Media Hype
Media driven hype that creates panic reactions amongst an impressionable public. The latest example was Bird Flu. In past years, Bird Flu has appeared several times in this country (GB) and each time the flock was slaughtered, successfully eliminating the virus.
During the 'Mad Cow' fiasco thousands of American tourists remained at home, too terrified to come here, thousands more in Britain stopped eating beef. Since World War II, in the UK, less than 100 people have died from CJD (the human form of BSE). Last year over 3.000 people were killed on our roads, I didn't hear of one person who even thought twice about getting into their car.
(Here are some more interesting facts: There are no recorded human deaths from Foot & Mouth; Rabies is indigenous to North America; Bubonic Plague is indigenous to Washington State USA.)
L S Lowry
He couldn't draw or paint. There are those among you who would say I am missing something, like he gave an insight into the everyday life of the poor in Lancashire and Cumbria. Bollocks, he was rubbish. I mean just look at this shite:
Cyclists
Bad cyclists, they use the pavement, ignore traffic lights, use the roads at night without lights and worst of all; the kids that just dump their bikes on the floor outside shop doorways like multicoloured man traps for the elderly and infirm.
They give good cyclists, like me, a bad name.
Rap Music
Rap Music, an oxymoron if ever there was.
Food?
Cheese. Looks good with so many different kinds. But it all tastes like earwax.
Marmite. The Devil's spunk.
Nuts. I don't eat wood.
Shellfish. You can't put something coughed-up by a consumptive tramp into a seashell and call it food.
Pseudo Science
You know, that pseudo science jargon they use in advertising to sell beauty products to women.